I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
