I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
