That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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