New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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