I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
