the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
