Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
