Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
