i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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