I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize