Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
sex in a hospital.. check
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
