I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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