Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
