Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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