She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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