Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize