My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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