I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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