And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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