Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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