We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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