Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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