I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just want to make out with him forever
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
