I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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