Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize