I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
