You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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