My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
