They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
