The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
