Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
