Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
