My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Boobs speak an international language.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
