Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
