so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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