I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
