I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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