what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
