fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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