If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
