Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize