Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
