sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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