Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
