just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
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