He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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