His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
