She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
