Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
only you would photoshop your dick
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Let's paint friendship bongs
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
