There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
