So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
