you would pick up someone in the library
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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