Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
