My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
