I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
