we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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