Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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