Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
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