he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
