I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Shame is for Republicans.
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