dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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