Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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