I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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