I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
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