Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
