8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
