i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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