So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
