hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
