Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i think i have herpe
just one?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
dude. I can hear the air.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
