Please, let me fuck your mom
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
