my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
