A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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