it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
