you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
