4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
