you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
