im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
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