it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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