if only i could text you this smell
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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