Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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