Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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