Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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