Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Randomize
