I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize