You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
