no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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