i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
She announced her abortion via fbk
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
