why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Someone came in the potted fern
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
