I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
