Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
